The Wit and Humor of America, Volume 1

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Marshall Pinckney Wilder
Funk & Wagnalls Company, 1911 - 2042 pages
 

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Page 207 - Not enjoyment, and not sorrow, Is our destined end or way; But to act, that each tomorrow Find us farther than today.
Page 11 - EIGHTEEN HUNDRED;— it came and found The Deacon's masterpiece strong and sound. Eighteen hundred increased by ten; "Hahnsum kerridge" they called it then. Eighteen hundred and twenty came; Running as usual; much the same. Thirty and Forty at last arrive, And then come Fifty, and Fifty-Five. Little of all we value here Wakes on the morn of its hundredth year Without both feeling and looking queer. In fact, there's nothing that keeps its youth, So far as I know, but a tree and truth. (This is a moral...
Page 131 - GUVENER B. is a sensible man ; He stays to his home an' looks arter his folks ; He draws his furrer ez straight ez he can, An' into nobody's tater-patch pokes ; But John P. Robinson he Sez he wunt vote fer Guvener B. My ! ain't it terrible ? Wut shall we du ? We can't never choose him o' course, — thet 's flat; Guess we shall hev to come round, (don't you ?) An' go in fer thunder an' guns, an
Page 207 - Trust no future, howe'er pleasant! Let the dead past bury its dead! Act, — act in the living present! Heart within, and GOD o'erhead!
Page 111 - ... a beer barrel on skids. His face, that infallible index of the mind, presented a vast expanse, unfurrowed by those lines and angles which disfigure the human countenance with what is termed expression. Two small gray eyes twinkled feebly in the midst, like two stars of lesser magnitude in a hazy firmament, and his full-fed cheeks, which seemed to have taken toll of every thing that went into his mouth, were curiously mottled and streaked with dusky red, like a spitzenberg apple.
Page 10 - n' all the kentry raoun' ; It should be so built that it couldri break dapwn : — "Fur," said the Deacon, " 't's mighty plain Thut the weakes' place mus' stan' the strain ; 'N' the way t' fix it, uz I maintain, Is only jest T' make that place uz strong uz the rest.
Page 170 - Is a pictur' that no painter has the colorin' to mock — When the frost is on the punkin and the fodder's in the shock. The husky, rusty russel of the tossels of the corn, And the raspin...
Page 111 - ... apple. His habits were as regular as his person. He daily took his four stated meals, appropriating exactly an hour to each; he smoked and doubted eight hours, and he slept the remaining twelve of the four-and-twenty.
Page 132 - Polk, you know, he is our country; An' the angel thet writes all our sins in a book Puts the debit to him, an' to us the per contty, An' John P. Robinson he Sez this is his view o
Page 10 - That a chaise breaks down, but doesn't wear out. But the Deacon swore (as Deacons do, With an "I dew vum," or an "I tell yeou,") He would build one shay to beat the taown 'N' the keounty 'n' all the kentry raoun'; It should be so built that it couldn' break daown: "Fur," said the Deacon, '"t's mighty plain Thut the weakes' place mus' stan' the strain; 'N' the way t' fix it, uz I maintain, Is only jest T' make that place uz strong uz the rest.

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